Sitting on the same side of the table as your date.
Complaining about your sides of ranch not being free.
Do you think ranch dressing grows on trees???
Doing this shit to your napkins and coasters.
But if you can't help it, please clean up after yourself.
Telling us how well you’re going to tip us at the end of the meal.
Pro-tip on tips: The people who claim to be the best tippers are usually the worst.
Sitting on the same side of the table as your date, instead of across from them.
Why do couples do this???
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Making tons of special requests with your orders.
Unless you've got an allergy, please keep the additions and subtractions to a minimum.
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…And then sending the food back after you’ve made all those alterations.
If you're gonna reinvent the entire dish, it might not taste as good as you thought. That's not the chef's fault!
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Telling us your meal absolutely MUST be gluten-free, and then ordering a beer.
Gluten intolerance is a real thing, and any good server will take it seriously. That said, please don't lie about having an allergy because you don't want bread. Just say you don't want bread!
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Tipping badly because of an issue with the food.
If the food is wrong, by all means ask your server to fix it. But don't dock their pay over something they can't control.
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Making the “I hated it!” joke as we clear away your empty plate.
Just FYI, we hear this joke at least three times a day.
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Hanging out at your table long after the meal is over.
Especially when there's a line out the door.
Asking to get seated ten minutes before close.
Are you technically allowed to do this? Yep. Does it make you an asshole? YEP.
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Saying you’ll “just have water,” but then asking for a whole bunch of lemons and sugar packets.
If you want lemonade, just order it!
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Complaining about something after you’ve already eaten it.
If there's a mistake, let the server fix it. Don't just eat it and then expect it to be taken off the bill.
Not tipping on to-go orders.
Someone still has to take the order, make sure everything looks right, and pack it up. You don't have to tip like you're getting table service, but a couple bucks will go a long way.
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Ordering for yourself AND the person you’re with.
Why not let everyone order for themselves???
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Trying to chat us up when we’re clearly busy.
Lots of servers get into this business because they genuinely love people — but if they're in the middle of a lunch rush, let them focus on their jobs.
Saying you’re ready to order when you clearly aren’t.
If you need a few more minutes, ask for it! We'd rather not stand there awkwardly while you decide what you want.
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Clearing your dishes onto an empty table nearby.
We might be about to seat someone else there!
Asking for a drink to be made “strong.”
We can't be giving out extra booze for free. If you want a double, order it!
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Seating yourself when you’re not supposed to.
That table you picked out might be reserved for another party. Or there might not even be a server assigned to that section right now.
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And finally, snapping to get our attention.
We're people, not dogs!